These actually appeared in church bulletins / announcements:
“The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.”
“The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.'”
“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping. Bring your husbands.”
“Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.”
“Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again’, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.”
“For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.”
THE RIGHT RENDITION 