Forgiveness

I’ve added a couple of notes (in parenthesis).

The late Dr. Charles Stanley wrote:

More often than not, forgiveness isn’t so clear cut. There is a spiritual practice of bearing in a middle space of forgiveness. This middle space is where we don’t know the whole story; nor do we know its ending or have a hope of restitution. We’re asked only to make room for others right in the middle of the unknowing and through a tangle of feelings. Rather than slamming the door of our hearts with cynicism and bitterness toward those who’ve hurt us, we stay soft, tender. When we can’t move towards repentance, forgiveness, or restitution, we learn to grieve and hope in a God who holds the loose threads of all our stories and relationships. It’s tempting to stuff away our anger and sadness, but we lament and grieve to a God who can handle our awkward feelings. God absorbs our angry, fist-pounding prayers—the tears on the bathmat—when we have no answers and no clear way to move forward.

Yes, we know: Writing off people who hurt us will only add another layer of darkness to our souls. Because we trust that God is good, we practice the art of tending to those bruised internal spaces, knowing somehow, mysteriously, He can heal them. We go forward through anger and sadness, knowing He is near in our grief.

Daily, when we’re threatened to be overwhelmed with anger, bitterness, envy, and sadness, we can repeat small prayers because they help us cling to the truth: There is a God who has the power to transform our lives. “God, have mercy on me, a sinner,” we pray. “I do believe; help my unbelief.” “How long, O Lord?” (Luke 18:13; Mark 9:24 NIV; Psalm 13:1). Small words given as offerings to remind us that He is the Creator and we are not.

Daily we place ourselves under the wings of Him who shelters His people. We look to the broken mess of our relationships and choose to practice lament and small prayers as tangible tokens of trust in a God who will redeem all—even when we’ll never know the ending on this side of time, or where restitution never happens. In the middle space of forgiveness, we wait. We grieve. And we pray all the way through the unknowing.

(Jesus never promised we’d never have hardships… boy, don’t you and I know that!! But He does promise to be with us through those hardships, through the pain, anger, grief, disappointment, heartache – all of it.)

All of us have, at some point, been hurt by someone we love and trust. When that happens, we have a choice: to wallow in self-pity and anger or to forgive.

Forgiveness means giving up both the resentment you may have and the desire to retaliate. Doing so involves three important steps.

1. Surrender the general attitude of resentment. That is, make a decision not to languish in your pain. This can be hard! Many people almost seem to enjoy a mindset of self-pity or martyrdom. But you can choose a different posture and move past your suffering.

2. Give up specific feelings of resentment toward an individual. It is important to let go of the anger that was brought on by hurtful actions—and to try to restore the broken relationship.

(I think over the years #2 has been the hardest for me. Especially the part about restoring the relationship. If the other person doesn’t want to restore the relationship, that’s on them, that’s their unforgiving spirit, and only God can change them.)

3. Lay down all claims to retribution. You cannot forgive someone with your words while secretly wishing him or her harm. True forgiveness seeks the other person’s good, not punishment.

(It’s hard to admit someone who is vile and hurtful is still loved by God. But He does still love them (John 3:16-18), and will until they finally accept Him or die in their unbelief. And remember, God does not expect us to be perfect, He knows we can’t be perfect, that’s what Jesus does for us.)

Forgiveness says, “Though you hurt me, I choose to pardon you. I won’t dwell on this, nor will I allow it to destroy my life or attitude. I won’t spend one minute plotting revenge. You are God’s precious child.” Truly forgiving another person is difficult, but the rewards are worth it.

https://www.intouch.org/read/articles/the-middle-space-of-forgiveness

https://www.intouch.org/read/daily-devotions/the-process-of-forgiveness